I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
