i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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