he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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