I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
