I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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