so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
