true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
