16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize