just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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