You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
