Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
