I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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