We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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