living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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