i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
