Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
