My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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