His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
