so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
