I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
