Soap is not a condiment
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
