Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize