When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dicks are not precious.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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