I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
