Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
