I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
