We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
