It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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