You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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