If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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