Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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