Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dignity is for republicans.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
