i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
