note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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