i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
