Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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