I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize