hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
