i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
