Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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