Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
