Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
