fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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