dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
