no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
