Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize