from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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