why didn't you poke me back
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
