So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I did not marry a roomba.
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