I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
