Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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