Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
