What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
