Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
