Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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