i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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