dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
