The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
