Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize