i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize