i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
