I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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