there's paper in my vomit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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