how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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