I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
