i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
