i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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